5 Lessons That Changed My Life, In Hindsight

“Experience is a master teacher, even when it’s not our own.”
― Gina Greenlee

1. My mother informed my brother and me that she was sick.

I was pretty young when I was told my mother had kidney failure, my first question was literally, “Are you going to die like Shelby?”. I was referring to a character played by actress Julia Roberts in the movie Steel Magnolias. I had seen the movie several times with my mother, and I guess that was my only association to kidney failure and dialysis. This was a pivotal moment in my life, mainly because it changed my home life dynamic, I went from being a kid to taking care of a lot of household chores. I often referred to myself as Cinderella because I did the majority of the cooking and cleaning. Lesson: At some point you have to grow up, for some it may be sooner than later.

2. I found out my father had a substance abuse problem.

A good parent, whether together or separated from their partner, should never talk down about the other in front of the children. My mother never had a bad thing to say about my father, which is why I never thought anything negative about him, even though he was incarcerated for the majority of my childhood. When he got out of prison I was elated, he came to live with us and we finally had the perfect home. Within a few months I started to notice my dad was acting different at times, he was normally very playful and happy, but now I had to step on eggshells around him because his mood fluctuated a lot. In addition to that, he would take my mother’s car and leave for work on Friday and wouldn’t return until Sunday, leaving us stranded for the weekend. My mother really didn’t want to, but eventually she had to tell us, our dad had a drug problem. I remember sitting on a curb next to my best friend crying and saying “Why me, why does MY dad have to be on drugs?”, I will elaborate on this story in a future blog. Lesson: Unfortunately, I learned that people ain’t shit and no one is to be trusted lol, but truthfully to this day I still struggle to see the value in keeping people close to me.

3. The passing of my mother.

Now like I mentioned in lesson #1, my mother had kidney failure and was on dialysis, so I knew she was sick. However, about 13 years had passed, and 19 year old me was feeling immortal and that immortality was “supposed” to blanket everyone around me. My freshman year of college my mom got my uncles to pick me up and take me to school, yeah, not the dream off-to-college send off we all see in the movies lol. So my sophomore year I begged her to take me, she had gotten me a private dorm, so no more room sharing! I wanted her to see the “fruits of her labor”, so I got her to agree to take me, and she did! I was so happy, her and my brother both went with me, it was a beautiful day. At the time I didn’t know it, but that would be the last day I would ever spend with my mom, she passed away the very next day. I am grateful to say that my last words to her was I LOVE YOU. Lesson: Cherish every moment you have with the people you love, always be present and in the moment.

4. Heartbreak On a Full Moon

Chile, I really got my heart broken only 2 times in my life, not too shabby I guess. The first time was this boy I really liked, I took him to meet my family girl, what the hell was I thinking?!? Well I’ll tell you what I was thinking, I THOUGHT he was serious about us because he took me to meet his family first! So, his father was a pastor and mom the first lady of course, girl he took me to church to meet them! TO THE CHURCH, he introduced me to momma, daddy, sister, brother, aunty, uncle, cousin, nana, errrrbody! Girl, he broke up with me about a month later, I think I was too serious for him lol. The second time I had been on and off with this girl for a hot 4 years, yes, 4 years of my sexy youth. We were hot and cold throughout the whole ordeal, I had my flings and I know she had hers, but I thought we both knew what was real. Ha, boy was I wrong, one day she called and it was a normal day. Next thing I know she started apologizing and saying she was sorry for how she treated me all these years and everything she took me through, I was thinking “awww, she is finally getting her shit together, we might just work this time”, how sweet right. Tuh, girl that was the last time I talked to her, she never said she found someone else, never said bye you stank hoe I don’t want to talk to you, nothing. After four long years I didn’t even deserve closure, good bye, or anything. Lesson: Please refer to lesson #2!

5. Christian D’Cole Williams

January 9, 2013 I had a beautiful baby boy named Christian, he stayed past 40 weeks and did not want to come out lol. However on that beautiful Wednesday morning I finally got to meet the person that would forever change my life. If you have not had children or have chosen not to, let me explain the feeling the best way I can from my own person experience. Having a child is like someone taking your heart and all the love you have out of your body, and forming it into this small, fragile, and gorgeous human being, and entrusting you to take care of it at any cost. Yes, that deep lol! I chose to make this blog post on this day, December 20, 2017 because it is the 4 year anniversary of the day my handsome little man passed away from myocarditis. Unfortunately it was undetectable and it happened very suddenly, this day 4 years ago was the hardest day of my life and I will forever be changed by it. Lesson: In hindsight, the lessons I have learned from my son’s life was that God is real, He can bring you peace if you let Him and He will cover you with love in times of a storm. Another lesson I have learned is that, everything happens for a reason, I know it sounds like a cliche but I am here to tell you it is true. Life can only be understood backward, but it must be lived going forward.

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